Pet Restaurant-goer Gifts

'Try the steak tartare...it's okay.'

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

'A cheeky red?'

Kung food restaurant (Waiter flies through the air bringing the food).

Dog Dressed to Eat

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

"Dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, onion bagel with Nutella and cream cheese, dirt, dirt, dirt..."

I love Cannelloni

'Who had the ocean whitefish and tua paté?'

'Shortly you will be running for your life. I wouldn't order dessert.'

"So, you want me to go all the way back to the kitchen just to get you a menu...? Couldn't I just give you a link to our, online menu?!"

"You know why they make these straws so big? It's a scam to make you drink fast so you can finish quicker and order more."

"In addition to the regular menu, today's specials are . . ."

"Out with the old fish, in with the new."

Restaurant. One thing you can still get for a single dollar is the waiter's opinion of you.

"Shall I let them breathe."

"...And would sir care to kill the rabbit himself?"

'Your pizza will be out in a few minutes. Tony's looking for a ladder to get it off the ceiling.'

Looking at belt - "One more notch, room for desert."

'Why, yes, I remember you. May I suggest an undrinkable pinot grigio that goes well with a bad tip?'

'Physical or Social Science?'

'You'll love this, it has no nutritional value.'

"I realize your steak was tough but you didn't have to make such a stink about it."

'How would you like that? Medium, rare, or wrapped in plastic on a foam tray?'

'You want to see a list of ingredients? -- Are you trying to make trouble?'

"When you said, 'Let's go out for dinner,' I thought you meant foraging. This is much better!"

"While the chef's dishes tonight are rather bland, his ideas are fresh and appealing."

"A table in Siberia, please."

Rare Medical Conditions - The compulsive desire to work out restaurant bills correctly

"Stick to the specials and no one gets hurt."

"Your fish ... I'm sorry, but there will be a slight delay."

Doggy-3D

"Can we get some more bread crumbs please?"

"Yes I know I ordered fresh crab but..."

'Shall I bring two children's meals, or will Madam regurgitate her own?'