Pet Problem Philosopher Pillows

"Dare I ask what you've done with the right shoe?"

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

Biofelineism

"I throw this ball, you go get it and bring it back — everything else will fall into place."

"Ever feel like even when you're barking at something you're still barking at nothing?"

"Yes, one is a dog."

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

Cat Reunion

In life there are things we cannot understand � the words 'get down,' invisible fences, cats...

"The library rejected your request to ban all books on cats and squirrels. But, to be fair, it was no dumber than all the other book ban requests we get."

'A bone is a bone is a bone...'

"He doesn’t say much, but he thinks a lot."

"The universe must love dogs - otherwise, why would sticks just fall from the sky?"

"Dogs are men."

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

Shepherd, Herder, Hunter, Thinker.

"May you love like you've never been hurt, dance like no one is watching, and chase squirrels at the speed of light."

"It's just a jogger!" "It's just a car!" "There's nothing out there now!" "I was thinking of the squirrel I saw last week"

"I do what they tell me, I eat what they give me. How do I know they're not a cult?"

Flea Philosophy.

'I'm trying to toilet train them.'

"I'm telling you! They don't know anything! No one is in charge!"

"If you could live your life all over again, what dead animals would you roll in?"

"When I get to heaven do you think I'll get my testicles back?"

'Instead of throwing sticks, why don't we sit down and tackle some sudoku?'

"Yeah but when will she be home?"

The Inner Dog.

I bark and bark and bark. . . Therefore I am.

"He's obedient as long as my requests align with his internal moral imperatives."

"Great - Now what would be the second thing you'd do if you had opposable thumbs?"

Cat on a psychiatrist's couch: 'Truth is, I'm not really a cat person.'

'Sorry. Your accident insurance doesn't cover that kind of incident.'

When dogs appear to be deep in thought.

"You need a hobby."

The question is, where does want to go for a walk end and need to go for a walk begin? Existentialist dogs.