Pet Parenting Philosopher Pillows

'Just because you've got a cat-flap doesn't mean you can come and go as you please.'

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

"Trust me, you're not ready!"

Cat Reunion

"Want me to talk to the squirrel's mother, or would you prefer to handle it on your own?"

Coronavirus Impact on Children

"Yes, one is a dog."

'I'm sorry I missed your recital. Daddy was on the phone with his broker, checking on bond yields. It's another form of bonding, son.'

"You're welcome."

"The library rejected your request to ban all books on cats and squirrels. But, to be fair, it was no dumber than all the other book ban requests we get."

"I don't know...sometimes I think I don't spend enough time with them. What kind of role model am I?"

"It's hard being a grownup, too – did you know we have absolutely zero limits on treats?"

"Never Again." (bird sitting on a giant egg).

Conversation between Dogs.

"What's an imagination? It was something kids used to enjoy before they invented video games."

"I never had to choose between a baby and a career—I'm a surrogate mother."

"Dogs are men."

"Life is beautiful, and it's messy."

"It's just a jogger!" "It's just a car!" "There's nothing out there now!" "I was thinking of the squirrel I saw last week"

"Alright, alright! I'll stop buying the cheap stuff, OK?"

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

"I'm telling you! They don't know anything! No one is in charge!"

Witch: 'I've mellowed. Instead of black, do you have a gray cat?'

'All cats have 4 legs and fur. I have 4 legs and fur...It's too hard to think anymore.'

'I'm trying to toilet train them.'

"In the future, son, everyone will be an attorney for fifteen minutes."

"Yeah but when will she be home?"

"We're planning on sending him away to be reared by experts."

"When I get to heaven do you think I'll get my testicles back?"

'I don't believe in pressuring my children. When the time is right, they'll arrive at the default choice and go to law school.'

Children should be seen and not heard. We're decorative.

The Inner Dog.

"I don't see how pulling out a piece of fruit from a pie necessarily validates Jack Horner's self-worth."

Cat on a psychiatrist's couch: 'Truth is, I'm not really a cat person.'