Pet Problem Philosopher Gifts

"Dare I ask what you've done with the right shoe?"

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

Biofelineism

"I throw this ball, you go get it and bring it back — everything else will fall into place."

Cat Reunion

"Yes, one is a dog."

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

"Ever feel like even when you're barking at something you're still barking at nothing?"

"The library rejected your request to ban all books on cats and squirrels. But, to be fair, it was no dumber than all the other book ban requests we get."

In life there are things we cannot understand � the words 'get down,' invisible fences, cats...

'A bone is a bone is a bone...'

"He doesn’t say much, but he thinks a lot."

"The universe must love dogs - otherwise, why would sticks just fall from the sky?"

"It's just a jogger!" "It's just a car!" "There's nothing out there now!" "I was thinking of the squirrel I saw last week"

Shepherd, Herder, Hunter, Thinker.

"Dogs are men."

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

"May you love like you've never been hurt, dance like no one is watching, and chase squirrels at the speed of light."

"I do what they tell me, I eat what they give me. How do I know they're not a cult?"

Flea Philosophy.

"If you could live your life all over again, what dead animals would you roll in?"

"When I get to heaven do you think I'll get my testicles back?"

"I'm telling you! They don't know anything! No one is in charge!"

'I'm trying to toilet train them.'

"Yeah but when will she be home?"

'Instead of throwing sticks, why don't we sit down and tackle some sudoku?'

I bark and bark and bark. . . Therefore I am.

The Inner Dog.

'Sorry. Your accident insurance doesn't cover that kind of incident.'

"Great - Now what would be the second thing you'd do if you had opposable thumbs?"

Cat on a psychiatrist's couch: 'Truth is, I'm not really a cat person.'

"He's obedient as long as my requests align with his internal moral imperatives."

When dogs appear to be deep in thought.

"You need a hobby."

"I don't know how to tell you this, Honey, so I'm going to come right out and say it. ... Your goldfish ran away."