Pet Pharmacologist Pillows

'...and here is our new canine diuretic...'

"We can see through the troposphere, stratosphere, mesosphere and into all those distant stars up there in outer space... truly remarkable, huh, girl?"

Licensed Therapist

Dog Walking Services

"...and what really makes this story scary is the kittens got lost in the woods before flea and tick products were invented."

"I have your gender reveal results. Boy, girl, boy, boy, girl, girl, boy, girl, boy, boy..."

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

Cats = Zen, Dogs = Men

"Watch out, Simone's hangry - her stomach AND her throat are growling."

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

"Congratulations! It's a bitch!"

"You understand that they call you 'good boy' because they can't remember your name, right? They never forget my name, they care about me..."

"Yep. Looks like we have ringworm."

"Cloning is an imperfect science."

"Man! That squirrel was jacked!"

'Daniel! How many times have I told you not to bury that in the back yard! I'm going to be late for work!'

'No.... My cat doesn't like being given pills either...'

Protoplasm

"Meow."

"I see you, I see a vet, you're sore for weeks afterwards."

"Actually I never loved you."

"Mi chiamano Mimi, il perche non so. Sola, mi fo il pranzo da me stessa."

'A common problem - we all give them our undivided love and devotion.'

'I've just realised where we went wrong.'

"I need a hip replacement but I believe they're looking at a dog replacement."

"MOUSE FLAVORED CAT FOOD"

"Would you mind moving to your doggy bed? I'd like to sit in my chair. I know you can hear me. Your book is upside down."

Taking goldfish for a walk.

"I'm supposed to be loyal, relieve stress, be 'Man's best friend'...I don't need this kind of pressure!"

I hear you, man. Look, if you need anything, my door is always open.

'Yes, you were abandoned. But then I adopted you. Why are you still taking it out on my couch?'

The brain of a dog.

"He's sending an instant message."

'Good thing you called me... Yes, they've mixed worming powder with your food...'

"Would you say the pain is more like a me-ow or a me-ouch?"