Pet Perspective Gifts

'He's about five ten...dark brown hair...slim...'

Licensed Therapist

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

Dog Nightmares

"When I first arrived, Young Master was always with me and Old Master didn't want anything to do with me, nor it's the opposite: Go figure..."

Cats = Zen, Dogs = Men

Cat Reunion

"Watch out, Simone's hangry - her stomach AND her throat are growling."

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

"You understand that they call you 'good boy' because they can't remember your name, right? They never forget my name, they care about me..."

"Yes, one is a dog."

"The library rejected your request to ban all books on cats and squirrels. But, to be fair, it was no dumber than all the other book ban requests we get."

"Dogs are men."

"It's just a jogger!" "It's just a car!" "There's nothing out there now!" "I was thinking of the squirrel I saw last week"

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

"Meow."

"I see you, I see a vet, you're sore for weeks afterwards."

'I'm trying to toilet train them.'

'A common problem - we all give them our undivided love and devotion.'

"Actually I never loved you."

'I've just realised where we went wrong.'

"I'm telling you! They don't know anything! No one is in charge!"

'I'm sure they don't think you're really a bad kitty...just a kitty that sometimes does bad things.'

"I need a hip replacement but I believe they're looking at a dog replacement."

"Would you mind moving to your doggy bed? I'd like to sit in my chair. I know you can hear me. Your book is upside down."

'I suppose this means you won't be fetching my slippers anymore.'

"I can't believe how much I love her. Just look at those sienna eyes and that adorable little nose. I honestly don't know how I'd survive without her." "He has food."

"When I get to heaven do you think I'll get my testicles back?"

"Mi chiamano Mimi, il perche non so. Sola, mi fo il pranzo da me stessa."

"I'm supposed to be loyal, relieve stress, be 'Man's best friend'...I don't need this kind of pressure!"

I hear you, man. Look, if you need anything, my door is always open.

The Inner Dog.

'How long have you had this obsessive hatred of cats?'

'Yes, you were abandoned. But then I adopted you. Why are you still taking it out on my couch?'

The brain of a dog.