Pet Peeve Chuckler Pillows

'And stop talking to me in that stupid cat voice!'

"Behold! I am God! I know all. Yet I'm constantly testing you even though I already know what you'll do. But I'll still punish you for the sins I planned for you to do. And you'll suffer in a fiery pit, tormented beyond imagining forever and ever and ever

People on the train reading each other's books - only it's the same as their own.

Father Sinead takes confession.... "You did F%!&>$G what, you C%*T!"

'What do you mean you're afraid of the dark? You're a nightcrawler.'

'Ain't no lonelier life than being a free-range chicken boy.'

Kisses--Sniff Your A-hole.

"Here's the problem. Your computer isn't obsolete, you are."

"You've got to admit, he wears the 'that dog won't hunt' label with a lot of class!"

Man sees line of priests entering Mass Transit Authority.

'I'm good with sheep. . .'

'You were afraid for the drill?'

"I keep getting into a flap."

"If she can find all the bones she's buried, she's my next investment counselor."

"You have a very long fault line. That's why your hands are trembling."

All Day Parking $1. Leave keys. It may be necessary to move your car to a more convenient spot.

J-J-JOE'S B-B-BAR, 'Actually, Joe's done pretty well for a guy with a speech impediment.'

"Can't you clip your nails on the subway like everyone else?"

-What did the carrot say to the onion? -What? -Nothing, vegetables don't talk!

"I'm not on the train today dear, I've got flu."

Human Cull: People who leave their cars idling when they are stopped for ages.

"Pushing buttons with anything other than your index finger is an affectation."

"I've found it the easiest way to administer nose drops!"

Human Cull: People who let their plants hang over the sidewalk so pedestrians can't walk past normally.

'Never ever will I move by train again.'

'Was that you who screamed?'

"I didn't jump, I fell asleep waiting."

'Mr Darling has gone into shock, he missed his train - it arrived and left on time!'

'Couldn't get insurance for my sled.'

'Trevor still can't get his head around the fact that Tim isn't Oxbridge.'

'We have weapons of mass disruption.'