Pet Parent Puns Pillows

'What's this? 'Registered retriever stud service, your place or mine' then it gives our phone number.'

Al, why is my goldfish zigzagging? Perhaps sharing my beer with him was a case of misplaced generosity on my part.

'He tells me there's one chapter of his memoir titled, 'My Likeable Master'.'

"If man is my best friend, why is he giving me this crap to eat?"

'What a bunch of control freaks!'

Good, but not Great Danes.

"Donald, the dog wants to get back in."

"I'm not concerned about us as long as there is nothing in the stimulus package for cats."

'Good book?'

'He knows that when I eat like a hog, it's time for a jog.'

"I told you not to let him out of your sight."

"Is our owner hot?"

For Heavens sake - don't let your pet watch manga cartoons on TV anymore!

'You're lucky you can't read.'

"I like the new scratching post so much better."

Debug

'The news has started a MarmWatch segment as a public service.'

"I don't see myself as just a dog. I see myself as a Complete Family Pet System."

'Heel! HEEL! Bad potato!'

'I bark, eat, sleep, bark, eat, sleep, bark, eat, sleep! There has to be more than that!'

'She think we're waiting out here in this sun? Hot-wire this sucker!'

"Quick, act casual."

'And when you want to go to the toilet would you please bark.'

Jay Walking

'Pet, we've got to talk.'

Tinder for dogs

'Maybe we should rethink this new dog door.'

'Any other symptoms besides difficulty in marking your territory?'

"Did you just say Michael Pollan? Oh my god, I love Michael Pollan!"

'You're looking well - you been on holiday?'

'Sandra missed school today because of this appointment. Will you please write an excuse note for her?"

Woman in bunny slippers notices rabbit droppings.

'Of course I never take you out - I can't see you wanting to cock your leg in the park!'

"The good news is you can return that kitty litter to the store and buy yourself something pretty..."

"Honey! The puppy just placed a new water element on the floor. Do you want me to clean it up or just balance the Feng Shui with a fire element?"