Pet Parent Puns Pillows

'What's this? 'Registered retriever stud service, your place or mine' then it gives our phone number.'

'He tells me there's one chapter of his memoir titled, 'My Likeable Master'.'

"If man is my best friend, why is he giving me this crap to eat?"

'What a bunch of control freaks!'

"Donald, the dog wants to get back in."

Good, but not Great Danes.

"I'm not concerned about us as long as there is nothing in the stimulus package for cats."

'Good book?'

'He knows that when I eat like a hog, it's time for a jog.'

"I told you not to let him out of your sight."

"Is our owner hot?"

For Heavens sake - don't let your pet watch manga cartoons on TV anymore!

'You're lucky you can't read.'

Debug

'Heel! HEEL! Bad potato!'

"I don't see myself as just a dog. I see myself as a Complete Family Pet System."

"I like the new scratching post so much better."

'The news has started a MarmWatch segment as a public service.'

'I bark, eat, sleep, bark, eat, sleep, bark, eat, sleep! There has to be more than that!'

'And when you want to go to the toilet would you please bark.'

Tinder for dogs

Jay Walking

'She think we're waiting out here in this sun? Hot-wire this sucker!'

'Maybe we should rethink this new dog door.'

'Pet, we've got to talk.'

"Quick, act casual."

'Any other symptoms besides difficulty in marking your territory?'

"The good news is you can return that kitty litter to the store and buy yourself something pretty..."

'Rubber pork chops. Excellent choice, Sir. With or without squeakers?'

Woman in bunny slippers notices rabbit droppings.

'Of course I never take you out - I can't see you wanting to cock your leg in the park!'

'Sandra missed school today because of this appointment. Will you please write an excuse note for her?"

"Honey! The puppy just placed a new water element on the floor. Do you want me to clean it up or just balance the Feng Shui with a fire element?"

"Did you just say Michael Pollan? Oh my god, I love Michael Pollan!"