Pet Parent Jokester Pillows

Crocodile House

Al, why is my goldfish zigzagging? Perhaps sharing my beer with him was a case of misplaced generosity on my part.

Conversation between Dogs.

"If man is my best friend, why is he giving me this crap to eat?"

Good, but not Great Danes.

"Donald, the dog wants to get back in."

'Could we go in ahead of you? His tranquilizer is wearing off.'

"I'm not concerned about us as long as there is nothing in the stimulus package for cats."

'He knows that when I eat like a hog, it's time for a jog.'

"I told you not to let him out of your sight."

"Is our owner hot?"

"Are you walking the dog? We live on the third floor!"

For Heavens sake - don't let your pet watch manga cartoons on TV anymore!

'You're lucky you can't read.'

"I don't see myself as just a dog. I see myself as a Complete Family Pet System."

'The news has started a MarmWatch segment as a public service.'

"I like the new scratching post so much better."

'I tried to teach him to shake, but he'd rather do 'high fives'.'

'I bark, eat, sleep, bark, eat, sleep, bark, eat, sleep! There has to be more than that!'

'Well, it wasn't me.'

'This is going to hurt me more than it will hurt you!'

'Maybe we should rethink this new dog door.'

'Pet, we've got to talk.'

"Quick, act casual."

'And when you want to go to the toilet would you please bark.'

Tinder for dogs

'Any other symptoms besides difficulty in marking your territory?'

"Honey! The puppy just placed a new water element on the floor. Do you want me to clean it up or just balance the Feng Shui with a fire element?"

'You're looking well - you been on holiday?'

'Sandra missed school today because of this appointment. Will you please write an excuse note for her?"

'Of course I never take you out - I can't see you wanting to cock your leg in the park!'

Now Wash Your Paws

"The good news is you can return that kitty litter to the store and buy yourself something pretty..."

'He's a great dog...a bit of a drooler though.'

Woman in bunny slippers notices rabbit droppings.