Pet Paradigm Shifter Gifts

"He said he was a dog person so I dated him, but he was secretly a cat person."

Fish that snore, and the tragic lives of those who care.

"Yes, one is a dog."

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

Cat Reunion

'Oh don't listen to him! Norman wasn't a motivational guru... he was just that cat in those silly 'hang in there' posters.'

"The library rejected your request to ban all books on cats and squirrels. But, to be fair, it was no dumber than all the other book ban requests we get."

"Dogs are men."

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

Upper East Side Dog Park

"It's just a jogger!" "It's just a car!" "There's nothing out there now!" "I was thinking of the squirrel I saw last week"

"When I get to heaven do you think I'll get my testicles back?"

"I'm telling you! They don't know anything! No one is in charge!"

'It's a pterodactyl-house.'

'I'm trying to toilet train them.'

Go to settings, sounds, ringtone, whistle, who can hear this, then tap only me.

"It's a bit of a surprise. He has eaten people before, but only when he felt threatened. Your husband must have provoked him."

"You can tell when people don't have pets, because they start to look like their plants."

"Yeah but when will she be home?"

The Inner Dog.

Cat on a psychiatrist's couch: 'Truth is, I'm not really a cat person.'

"We've known each other for years Bob, and this grooming style suited you when you were young, but it's time to let it go!"

It' complications galore for Sparky when easy-to-assemble instructions are read upside down.

'This won't take long, nurse. This is the dog that got my best friend last summer.'

Micro-chipped cat talks in binary.

"Dear God, no! Not her first edition of 'Franny and Zooey'! You've ruined us!!"

"Can you train him to bite my husband whenever the trash gets full?"

"He was a sea rescue."

Boy throws a stick for a tortoise. By the time the tortoise returns, the boy is an old man.

"Who wants to go for walkies?"

"My dog is a finicky eater. He refuses to eat my homework."

"You need a hobby."

"These dizzy spells, I have a theory."

'We really should get him chipped.'

"Pet peeves" "I fear the cat." "I fear the cat" "I fear the cat." "Fecced me."