Pet Paradigm Shifter Pillows

"He said he was a dog person so I dated him, but he was secretly a cat person."

Fish that snore, and the tragic lives of those who care.

"Yes, one is a dog."

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

'Oh don't listen to him! Norman wasn't a motivational guru... he was just that cat in those silly 'hang in there' posters.'

Cat Reunion

"The library rejected your request to ban all books on cats and squirrels. But, to be fair, it was no dumber than all the other book ban requests we get."

Upper East Side Dog Park

"Dogs are men."

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

"It's just a jogger!" "It's just a car!" "There's nothing out there now!" "I was thinking of the squirrel I saw last week"

"I'm telling you! They don't know anything! No one is in charge!"

"It's a bit of a surprise. He has eaten people before, but only when he felt threatened. Your husband must have provoked him."

"When I get to heaven do you think I'll get my testicles back?"

'I'm trying to toilet train them.'

'It's a pterodactyl-house.'

"Yeah but when will she be home?"

"You can tell when people don't have pets, because they start to look like their plants."

The Inner Dog.

'This won't take long, nurse. This is the dog that got my best friend last summer.'

"We've known each other for years Bob, and this grooming style suited you when you were young, but it's time to let it go!"

Cat on a psychiatrist's couch: 'Truth is, I'm not really a cat person.'

It' complications galore for Sparky when easy-to-assemble instructions are read upside down.

"You need a hobby."

"Who wants to go for walkies?"

"Dear God, no! Not her first edition of 'Franny and Zooey'! You've ruined us!!"

"He was a sea rescue."

Boy throws a stick for a tortoise. By the time the tortoise returns, the boy is an old man.

"My dog is a finicky eater. He refuses to eat my homework."

Micro-chipped cat talks in binary.

"These dizzy spells, I have a theory."

101 uses of a dead cat: chariot wheels.

'Oh, that is so simplistic. Why must you always see the world in black and white?'

'We really should get him chipped.'