Pet Owner Parties Gifts

'Let's go before everyone starts telling their stupid owner stories.'

"Bad dog."

"Blow out the candles!" "Make a wish!" "I wish I had my testicles back."

"I was almost that last year."

'Oh, really?... I'm actually more of a dog person.'

"Well, here's the problem. You been takin' the hair ball pills and givin' the Viagra to the cats."

Home Sweet Home

"I'm beginning to think that buy one, get one free is not always a good thing."

Christmas Pets

"Don't even think about it."

''I couldn't wait any longer.''

Garbage Piñata

"Nice family you’ve got there. Too bad if anything were to happen to them."

"I see you mister mail carrier... that's it, just keep walking... don't even think abo—did you just look at my house?! Are you looking for trouble? Cujo ain't got #!@* on me."

'You see, we don't have any children, so he's kind of our baby.'

It is said over the years dogs and dog owners start looking alike

"The club scene is really changing."

"Pavlov's dog: Friday night"

"Poop outside and he saves it in a bag. Crap on the carpet and he loses his mind."

Man walking a dog is passed by a runner carrying a baby on her hip.

Dog Birthdays

"Oh just ignore him!...he always shows off when we have visitors!"

"I'm no expert but I think global worming would be a good thing."

"Sorry - my dog is at the vet. This one is a loaner."

"If you don't make up your mind who's taking me out, I'll do it right here."

"Now how did she know?"

"We've done it Agnes. We're living the dream."

"Oh f*ck yes. Let's make these f*ckers live for-f*cking-ever."

'That beagle sure is a tough case!'

I can't afford to pay for Fluffy's spay...

'He took a fetching class.'

French Animal Noises.

'...Basset Hound! Anal sacs!'

"Mittens, this is what John Muir would call 'a charming little poem of wilderness.'"

'Relax, he is just playing fetch the stick with the kids.'