Pet-loving Gourmand T-Shirts

'Let's see... that's one 'last week's leftovers' and two 'third grader's homework', right?'

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

'I'll have toast and he'll have a complete dog's breakfast.'

"She doesn't eat raw zebra... Where can we get Alaska wild salmon in cream truffle sauce in the middle of Africa?"

"For what he is about to receive may the dog be truly thankful."

Homemade dog biscuits.

"Kibbled, canned and frozen were non-starters. But he'll often accept a ice ribeye as long as it's been properly dry aged."

"For this dish we'll need to sauté the onion with the week-old, moldy, ant-covered French fry over medium heat. Then, we lightly flash boil our dehydrated mouse..."

'May I have two containers - fish for my cat, meat for the dog...vegetables divided as follows, one-fourth for the cat, three-fourths for the dog, but no carrots for the cat - kitty doesn't like carrots...'

"Let's see....Who had the beef brisket dog biscuit?"

'Fruits, vegetables, meat, eggs and cooked beans! He gets a better dinner than I do!'

"Look, I’m sorry - it’s not Asian fusion night!"

"As a dog he's incredible. As a chef he's just okay."

Dog Food: Lick & Collect

"Some dehydrated corn and bone meal for the gentleman, perhaps?"

"You shouldn't feel too bad. I think it's remarkable they managed even one jump."

"Generally I recommend chuck, but since your collie has a pedigree...sirloin."

'I hope your 'kittycat gourmet delight' tastes better than my 'doggy sirloin supreme!''

"Teaching him to use a knife and fork was easy but he still can't tell a Merlot from a Chianti!"

"If we list it now, you could be eating filet mignon every night for the rest of your life!"

"We'll be needing a high chair for spot."

'Believe me, I've checked. There are no shows on the Food Channel devoted to cooking kibble.'

"Leave the bowl."

Water. Food. Garnish.

The Four Basic Food Groups - Dry, moist, biscuit, bone.

'I'm thinking celebrity pet's cookery nightmare make-over...'

"Have you got a book about the proper way of feeding a dog?"

"Well-done coming right up."

The food is just scooped into my dish...no thought to food presentation.

"It's a new cereal for dogs."

"The meal was superb...My compliments to the shep."

"I'll have what she's having."

"Liverwurst?! Okay, let's try it again, speaking slowly this time. 'Fois. . . gras'."