Pet Humor Pillows

When the cats realized that Hubert had permanently taken over their favourite couch, they took action.

"For your vet bills alone we can hire two pups."

'No need to shout.'

"It get it – you're hungry."

'I'm more of a cat person.'

'Play dead.'

"I'm tripping over bernedoodles, labradoodles, goldendoodles, schnoodles and cockapoos, ...and you want me to somehow believe you're not sleeping around?"

"Except for that time he pecked my eyes out he's been a good bird."

"You're God-knows-where all day long, then at night you pounce on my head... this is not a relationship."

"Do you recall the exact moment the balance of power shifted?"

"Want to come along and take turns explaining the look on his face."

"If anyone should ask, I was in my doggy bed from 7 p.m. to midnight. Understand?"

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

101 uses of a dead cat: pneumatic drill.

'Just taking the dog for a walk, Dear.'

'Other than no dognip or an indoor bathroom, I enjoy being a dog.'

'He's a great dog...a bit of a drooler though.'

"I'm too lazy to weave through my owner's legs, so I've set up a trip-wire."

Buy a dog - the ideal pet for those too busy to mess up they homes themselves.

"It's OK! Stop splashing!"

"CATS LOVE IT?! Who in the world writes this nonsense?"

"I see you've met and pet Fluffy."

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

"Do me next."

Dog looks perplexed as man has his head out the window taking in the beer smells.

"Yes, it's oil-paint: It's difficult to find water for watercolours around here..."

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

Cat croissant, cat baguette, cat muffin, cat turnover

'Table scraps, doggie-bag goodies, dropped hot dogs, the cat's dish of food and your master's slippers.'

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

Tell me again how aloof and independent cats are.

"The Bruins are down a goal. Do me a favor: Pretend you’re a Boston terrier."

Rusty, not believing in God, seized his chance...

Snowmobull

"You understand that they call you 'good boy' because they can't remember your name, right? They never forget my name, they care about me..."