Pet Health Detective Pillows

"My cat is so quiet. Is he depressed?" "My cat is so loud. Is he sick?"

Barks in code.

"And, when the DNA test results arrived, the woman realized her so-called 'little terrier mix' had been part German shepherd all along."

"Why, you little Shih Tzu."

'I know he doesn't like this house, but he'll just have to get used to it.'

I'm at the shrub with the empty bag of pretzels we sniffed last week. Where are you?

"I'm not growling, it's my stomach rumbling!"

A Vase has fallen on a cat's head. Are mice to blame?

Murder in Apartment 6-K

'So who needs sonar?!'

"Hello? Is that the canine help line?...."

Sergeant Jones gave the assurance that they had an 'assortment' of leads back at the station. . .

'The word bath is mentioned.'

"Pssst. Fake poop."

Unbeknownst to most, dogs are actually greedy bastards searching for gold,

Man to pets about upside down house: 'I don't care who started it!'

"Don't make me send in the bad cat."

"What's all this?"

"Look, I tried to tell everyone Timmy was in the well but no, what do I know, I'm just a dog!"

"You're not a police dog, and that's not a crime scene."

"My client was across town at the time of the murder, as a quick sniff of Exhibit A will demonstrate."

"Now how did she know?"

"If anyone should ask, I was in my doggy bed from 7 p.m. to midnight. Understand?"

"If you could live your life all over again, what dead animals would you roll in?"

'This article says there was a break-in at the museum last night. I don't suppose you know anything about that.'

"Listen, that's a Tang Dynasty urn we just broke."

"I had no idea. You mean I'm a dog?"

"The guy I bought him from says he's a pure sheepdog."

Vet to angry-looking dog: 'You ate some crabgrass, eh? Were you self-medicating again?'

"Officer, my cat's stuck up a tree again"

"I take it you want to go for a perp walk."

'What makes you say the medication I prescribed for Fido is causing side effects?' 'Meow.'

'That's the one that attacked me, officer! The one with the stupid look on his face!'

"Should I tell her I'm a PTSD support dog specializing in disease and illegal drug scent detection?" "Should I tell him his ear's inside out?"