Pet Goldfish Philosopher T-Shirts

"What have you been saying about me to the goldfish?!

"Ever feel like even when you're barking at something you're still barking at nothing?"

It is essential not to overcrowd a tank as this can cause serious problems...

Cat Reunion

Kid to fellow fisherman: 'Why do they stink like fish when they've been bathing this whole time?'

"Yes, one is a dog."

"I'm not sure if we're named after passwords or vice versa."

"The library rejected your request to ban all books on cats and squirrels. But, to be fair, it was no dumber than all the other book ban requests we get."

Chicken soup for the sole.

"Take your first left and then keep turning left until you eventually float to the top."

Man fishing in goldfish bowl - "Its always been the same with you Norman.. No ambition."

'So what have you been up to?'

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

"Why... do goldfish have such a short memory span? We don't – there isn't anything to remember if all you do is swim around in circles all day long."

"Dogs are men."

"This aquarium is such a nice prison."

"It's just a jogger!" "It's just a car!" "There's nothing out there now!" "I was thinking of the squirrel I saw last week"

Cool Cat, Dog Dork, Grumpy Goldfish, Constipated Cockatiel.

"I'm telling you! They don't know anything! No one is in charge!"

'I'm trying to toilet train them.'

"I think we are overfeeding the fish!"

"When I get to heaven do you think I'll get my testicles back?"

'Sometimes I feel sorry for those little baitfish, don't you, Ben?'

Incognito Bonito - 'I don't know me, but I do know you!'

The Inner Dog.

"He never takes me anywhere."

"Cat got your tongue?"

Cat on a psychiatrist's couch: 'Truth is, I'm not really a cat person.'

"Take the goldfish. If it's still alive in six months, call us for another interview."

"Just once I would like to laugh or to frown."

"Are you new around here?"

The question is, where does want to go for a walk end and need to go for a walk begin? Existentialist dogs.

Fish Food

"I don't know how to tell you this, Honey, so I'm going to come right out and say it. ... Your goldfish ran away."

'Ladies... gentlemen... I imagine you're all wondering why you've been invited to this think tank.'