Pet Care Captain Gifts

"I'm beginning to think that buy one, get one free is not always a good thing."

"Foster failure"

"We can see through the troposphere, stratosphere, mesosphere and into all those distant stars up there in outer space... truly remarkable, huh, girl?"

Dog Walking Services

"I have to refill it everyday. He has a tendency to retain water."

"Do you recall the exact moment the balance of power shifted?"

"She's a miniature."

'Hon, can you fill the dog's water dish?'

"Man! That squirrel was jacked!"

'Daniel! How many times have I told you not to bury that in the back yard! I'm going to be late for work!'

'They sure have small litters.'

A Change of Scene.

With Wally the hermit crab showing no signs of life, Shirley yields to her kids' pleas and performs mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

Woman as a beacon and guide of the family

'He won't eat his lettuce until I've washed it five times. I'm sure his OCD is getting worse!'

Dog Food

'...and now, Doctor, if you have satisfactorily disinfected your hands,...

'Where did the little bird go?'

"Relax, Dad... I'll put your toothbrush away when I'm done. I always do."

"What kind of 'best friend' expects you to pick up their sh*t?"

"I'm sixty three in human years and the mother of octuplets. Again."

Dog wearing a cone around his waist: 'Hemorrhoids.'

'Do you realize he barked all last night?'

Schrodingers cat at the vets

"Your dinner's on the table and yours is under the table."

"Yes, it is a beautiful day but what makes you think you can go outside and play?"

"Oh, no, no, no, no! Please, NOOO!"

'In ancient Egypt, cats were treated like gods and in this house, it's pretty much the same: Come in friend...'

"Tom, did you forget to feed the pets tonight?"

"Careful, Len. You'll spook the herd."

'Rasputin has been declawed: Pass it on...'

Horse Clean-up

'Word to the wise: Always check the cheese for pills.'

Meals on Wheels/Wheelie Bins

'My practice is limited to small animals, Sir....'