Pest Warrior Pillows

'The upside is that if the water gets high enough all your termites might drown.'

"I was going to take care of my pest problem myself, but I though this would be a good job for a professional."

Insecticides

'Assuming the cockroach I need to kill weighs 180 pounds, how much of this pesticide would I need?'

Gardener trying to protect his crops from pests.

Stain on your conscience

'What exactly is it you dislike about slugs, Mister Crabtree?'

'There's a little left in the garden. Do you have a bunny bag?'

Hungry Snail.

Dear Santa, please can I have a powerful herbicide for Christmas. Best wishes, Adam.

'Oh no, it's the Burkes! You stall them here while I go fix my hair and don't let them roam around. Remember, once you have cockroaches in your kitchen, you'll never get rid of them.'

“...And on the ninth day God created mosquitoes, just to annoy the hell out of everyone.”

'... and bless all of God's creatures with the possible exception of the greenfly...'

"Come and get it!"

When cockroaches go unchecked.

'First weeds of spring.'

"Al emerged from his man cave and saw crabgrass. That means 6 months of obsessing about crabgrass."

'Has anybody seen the flyswatter?'

Emotional Support Pest

So those are your 'weapons of mass destruction? - Slugs?

"It's not a big deal! Everyone gets bitten by insects on holiday occasionally."

'It's a beautiful lighthouse. However, hauling the batteries up the stairs has taken its toll on my back.'

Getting Rid of the Cure

"Let it go. You have to learn to pick your battles."

'Whenever he stares out the window like that I know he's about to go into a gardening frenzy.'

'I've got an appointment with Mr. Payne.' - 'He'll see you now.' - 'Okay, take a deep br-' - 'Gah!' - 'Great, now turn ov-' - 'Argh!' - 'And a final tw-' - 'Mummy!' - '*Sob*' - 'Okay, all done.' - 'Did you, by any chance...' - '...hear you crying...'

'It's only a slug Norman.'

"You, my tenacious weed, are trespassing!"

"Say, Bill, how's that new crop of yours doing?"

'He's so proud - We've got the best collection of weeds in the street!'

"We have raccoons."

'The mosquitoes have been just awful this year!'

"I was trying to grow roses, but I got hit by the 'bluebonnet' plague."

'Just knock over a couple of garbage cans, and bring us whatever you find.'

"Don't think of them as fleas. Think of them as your entourage!"