Perspective Humor Pillows

'Who said you can't be in two places at the same time. He's here, but he's also way the hell over there.'

"Honestly, I didn't know your wife was in the shower."

The devil you know and his plus one

"Trying to impress us on your first day is understandable, but the moon has already been discovered."

'Look at it another way. Happiness can't buy you money!'

'You see a bunny, I see an off-site system maintained by a 3rd party providing storage, processing power and computer applications.'

"I worry about you, Dinkins. . . you seem to be losing the big picture."

"I've switched from talking to myself to talking at myself."

'What colour is a hiccup?'

"That's strange. It must have been slow."

Left and Right: Please be consistent.

'My eyesight was getting worse, but thanks to my new glasses, I can play 'Monkey see, Monkey do' again...'

Welcome to 'Should've, Would've, Could've', the investment hindsight show.

'What do you mean you're a vegetarian?'

"… and then Roger discovered fly fishing and I discovered Gregory."

"Dude, don't say it..."

"When dealing with Americans, refer to the heat in Celsius. They hate that."

Lone traveller is befriended by tourist from hell.

"You need glasses, Roy."

"Happy Hump Day!"

"Somehow, I still feel insignificant."

'Andrew! You never told me you had a twin!'

Man uses his eye-doctor's chart for a word-search.

Dad, stop! Put your glasses on! You're about to eat a stick insect!

"Now let's try the other other other eye."

Woman gossiping on emergency phone

'Still musn't grumble it could be worse!'

The way dogs see it