Perspective Humor Pillows

'Who said you can't be in two places at the same time. He's here, but he's also way the hell over there.'

"Honestly, I didn't know your wife was in the shower."

The devil you know and his plus one

"Trying to impress us on your first day is understandable, but the moon has already been discovered."

'Look at it another way. Happiness can't buy you money!'

'You see a bunny, I see an off-site system maintained by a 3rd party providing storage, processing power and computer applications.'

'How now, brown cow?'

"I worry about you, Dinkins. . . you seem to be losing the big picture."

"Hey, Zorro! You forgot your mask."

'What colour is a hiccup?'

It's good news when an agent says "This is a big break" to an aspiring actor. But not good when said by an orthopedic surgeon holding your x-ray! It's jarring when your business partner says "We're going under while he's looking at the books. But it's very routine when said by a submarine captain speaking to the crew. "You're on fire" is nice to hear when you're playing an excellent round of golf. But not what you want to hear when you're grilling burgers. "A thumb on the scale" often mean

"I've switched from talking to myself to talking at myself."

"That's strange. It must have been slow."

Left and Right: Please be consistent.

'your hindsight is only 20400 so I'm going to fit you with a pair of 'retro specs'.'

Closed. He was unable to complete the elevator repair today -- Further steps will need to be taken.

'My eyesight was getting worse, but thanks to my new glasses, I can play 'Monkey see, Monkey do' again...'

Welcome to 'Should've, Would've, Could've', the investment hindsight show.

'What do you mean you're a vegetarian?'

"… and then Roger discovered fly fishing and I discovered Gregory."

"Dude, don't say it..."

4 4 4 4 3 3 3 3 I can't see the fours for the threes. F E

"You need glasses, Roy."

"Happy Hump Day!"

"When dealing with Americans, refer to the heat in Celsius. They hate that."

Lone traveller is befriended by tourist from hell.

"Somehow, I still feel insignificant."

'Andrew! You never told me you had a twin!'

Dad, stop! Put your glasses on! You're about to eat a stick insect!

Man uses his eye-doctor's chart for a word-search.

His urn is half-full. The eternal optimist.

The way dogs see it

'Still musn't grumble it could be worse!'

What?… (No caption. One viking drinks a tropical drink from a fruity cup, while other vikings drink grog from mugs.)

"Now let's try the other other other eye."