Introspective Humorist Pillows

"Somehow, I still feel insignificant."

"I've switched from talking to myself to talking at myself."

"Now that was weird. I just thought about someone else for a second."

"E=MC² Energy=Milk·Coffee²"

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

Intelligent people laugh too!

"Gee, thanks pal."

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

"Oh, great - They changed the Meaning of Life again."

"Je suis Descartes, donc, je pense."

Scarcity

Archimedes statue with a lever

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

Grim Reaper Buying CDs...

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

Optimist

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

"...I don't believe in the past or the future. I don't even believe in right now. Everyone remembers the past differently. Everyone imagines the future differently. Everyone even disagrees about what's happening right now. So who's to say tomorrow what you and I did tonight?"

'I don't think the employees like me.'

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

'I'm no expert, but I think we're a little behind when it comes to the latest industry technology.'

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

"I'm starting my own movement—Occupy Fifty-Seventh Street."

Schrödinger and his cat