Humorous Perspective Takers Pillows

COMPUTER PLAY-DATING SERVICE

Government survey into the effects of haggis throwing in Ethiopia.

"I don't think of it as copying from Danny's paper ... I think of it as utilizing the Freedom of Information Act."

'You see a bunny, I see an off-site system maintained by a 3rd party providing storage, processing power and computer applications.'

Surgery is to be encouraged to set up food banks

"… and then Roger discovered fly fishing and I discovered Gregory."

"One man's apocalypse is another man's mandate."

'Right, I'll see the chap who thinks he's a fly next.'

'Free gifts to every kid in the whole world? -- What are you running for?'

"Damn kids and their graffiti."

'Why should I pay you for washing the windows when the good Lord provides?'

"I happen."

'They always off the mom.'

'As I see it, there are two groups. Them - who came from nowhere and wear fig leaves - and us, who have been around for a long time, and are just trying to evolve.'

Lone traveller is befriended by tourist from hell.

"Kfetch!"

'No, nothing permanent. Just maybe spend a little less time together each day, that's all.'

'Marriage is sharing, Carol, so I'm happy you earn twice as much as me.'

'I don't know about art but I like the bouncing ball'.

'You know the saying 'He who dies with the most toys wins?' Well, THIS is what you win!'

Bubblewrap Supplies: Just Popped Out

"Greetings, earthling. We used a complex algorithm to make sure we appeared to humankind in a form you would respect and trust."

'Weren't you our newspaper carrier years ago?'

'of course it is. It's always for one of the kids.'

"According to the latest pensions forecast you're going to carry on enjoying it until you're 83!"

Optical illusion.

Eye of Providence in a bank's security cameras.

Fred served a higher porpoise

'All I did was touch the screen here, and it called me a misanthrope.'

Intellectual Property

'Who said you can't be in two places at the same time. He's here, but he's also way the hell over there.'