Personnel Department Staff Pillows

"And this is our new HR officer in charge of morale..."

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

'Our parents were replaced by machines - We'll be replaced with new software.'

Academic Idol - 'Professor Johannsen's paper was zippy. It had robust vocabulary and I almost felt that I could dance to it. I would give it a 7.'

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."

"Morning, all!"

"I'm sorry, but we're looking for someone who's more likely to be followed than following."

"The meeting will last until lunch, or hell freezes over, whichever is longer."

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

'Due to cutbacks, he lost his company vehicle, so he has to improvise.'

'What's wrong? Think the walls have ears?'

"Political Science... that's in the Department of Performing Arts."

'He's finally done it - kicked breakfast TV!'

'I believe in a 'carrot and stick' approach to motivation. The carrot is not to use the stick.'

'Frankly, our dental plan bites.'

'Need I remind you who's boss here?'

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

Suggestions box in a toilet.

Why do you need so many computers?

Check zombies.

'Tesco's cheif executive meets with staff.'

'I'm afraid I can't take you to my leader without a prior appointment.'

"It raises trust issues, Mr. Kranse, when your very first question is 'what's the catch?'."

"What we're looking for is someone who think outside the box?"

Targets.

'I told you hard work would pay off in the third grade, Cate...You've had three job offers.'

Academic Jeopardy - "The great unknowns and cosmic uncertainties of the universe are reduced by this number daily."

"You took that news with dignity and grace. I really wanted you to spaz out."

"On reflection i think i could have coped with just 340' feedback."

Mentors guide you through the maze.

'I owe you an apology, Greffman -- Let's keep it that way.'

'The position carries no salary, just healthcare coverage.'

Your resume says you were a waiter...

The Janitor at the Harvard University Alumni Reunion is one of the Gang.