Personnel Department Specialist Pillows

'We don't settle for second best... And Bleargh here is the best in the galaxy.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Staff support"

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

'Ok, I'm in a paperwork mood. Let 'er rip.'

"'Quid pro quo' is a no-no, Bradbury. Around here we say 'reciprocal altruism'."

'Our parents were replaced by machines - We'll be replaced with new software.'

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

How leaders fail

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

Outer Space Outsourcing

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

'Had I known Hell was going to be exactly like work, I probably wouldn''t have spent as much time there.'

'Senior management wanted me to raise morale so I made Lionel from accounts 'office jester'!'

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."

"Morning, all!"

'Salaries Manager. No.'

'Asynchronous, collaborative, interactive - we're obviously on a roll.'

'What's wrong now?'

"The meeting will last until lunch, or hell freezes over, whichever is longer."

"But don't let my wacky tie fool you. We actually take business very seriously around here."

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

Recruiting litigation lawyers is ALWAYS tricky..my last one took me to court for the emotional and professional damage I caused him by NOT considering him for a position I wasn't asked to fill.

The Evolution of the Bonus

"I just want you to know that promotion, this office, and those Luna bars were mine!"

'Ok, here's the meeting agenda ... it's gonna be a long one.'

"Would anyone like to question my downsizing proposal?"