Personal Responsibility Ponderer Gifts

'I didn't hire a lawyer, but I found a neuroscientist who can explain why it wasn't my fault.'

"Excellent, excellent. A fine blend of truths, half-truths, and blatant falsehoods."

"Needs to get a life"

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

'The organizational structure is pretty simple: We do the work; they take the credit.'

The Price of Freedom

'At least I don't have his life.'

"I advised a patient to take responsibilty for his own actions, and now he is suing me!"

The Male Atom: Sex, Sport, War and Good Intentions.

"If anything else, it beats bending over!"

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

"When will I be old enough to have an inner child?"

"Isn't it true that the prosecution offered you a bone to testify?"

'What do lawyers really want, Mr. Montague?'

'Just think of one of these as enabling legislation for the golden rule.'

Max Weber

"I've been studying reverse psychology at Tonga Tech Online University."

Telling Self to Buzz Off

'Daddy! There's a Politician in my closet!'

'As we all know, the appearance of honesty is the best policy....'

Psychiatry ward with 'Inhibited' and 'Outgoing' trays.

"I'll bet a lot of people wish they had a royal palace to return to."

"I don't know why I'm here - I don't need a haircut."

Corruption trial in the Vatican

'Please don't read anything into the fact that I'm wearing loafers. I assure you I'm a very energetic worker.'

Caption Contest TK

That's no big deal, a lot of people get Siskel and Ebert mixed up

Yeah, I woke up as a roach because I was so full of existential dread – Why did you wake up as a dung beetle?

'Turn your thinking cap around, Robert.'

What brings you to therapy, Rudy? Dr. Noodle. I've been feeling like my whole life is on pause. And I can't find the remote to unpause it. Meanwhile, everyone else's stories are proceeding apace. They're all into the second act already. They've all had plot twists, and hero's journeys, and epic love scenes, and thrilling reversals of fortune ... Meanwhile, I'm still paused on the opening credits because no remote. Why don't you get up off the couch and unpause it manually? You can do that?

I see

'It wasn't easy, but I got you a jury of your peers — six hairdressers, five interior decorators, and a professor of 18th Century poetry.'

'Well, that brings us up to my third birthday...'

"I love it, the chief loves it, the client loves it, but the gods don't love it."

Surgical Self-Service