Personal Grooming Gifts

'I can never do anything with my hair phobia.'

"You've caught me at a bad time. I was just shaving my legs."

'See you later, Honey.'

One of the Ten Best Hair Days of the Year

"For Facetime or Zoom?.."

'Anyone seen my aerosol varnish?'

'Who's been cutting their nails again?'

'Goodness, have you been clawing your way to the top?'

6 Quarantine-Friendly Fashions

"I came to this country with nothing but the hair on my back."

'Your teeth are okay, but that mustache will have to go.'

'He's very thorough about nose hair.'

'Why, no, I don't have any nail clippers on me. Just do like I do, and use your teeth.'

Acme Deodorant.

Nail shop offers cell phone covers that match painted nails.

"Yes dear, I'm sure if it were smaller the pepper mill would make a fine ear and nose hair trimmer."

'We should look our best since hidden cameras will photograph us wherever we go.'

Manopause: The time when a man has more hair growing out of his nose and ears than he does his head.

Shampoo 'Slaphead and Shoulders'

Leg shaving

'Do your toenails need cutting?'

I love my hair straighteners.

Hair transplant on the cheap!

Beards and Facial Piercings

"Oh! Now I get it!"

"Oh, not much new. The thing changing around here is our hair."

"As long as I've got my legs shaved, I might as well do something with them."

"No haircut today, Peter. Just tousle me."

"I'm aiming for boyish charm, but I don't want to appear vulnerable."

"Mirror, mirror on the wall ... Where did that nose ring come from?!"

"This business is all about relationships. The guy who whitens my teeth is a cousin of the guy who does my Hair implants and his Sister-in-Law does my Botox."

"For goodness sakes, Harold. Stop preening!"

"I'm waxing my armpits, do you like it?"

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