Permissive Parenting Ponderer Pillows

"Father would be much happier if you wouldn't."

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

"They must be grown-up ducks, because they're eating the crusts too."

"Were we expecting a baby?"

"Sorry, that was just the wet diaper talking."

'And when your mother said that you would never be an Olympic gymnast, how did that make you feel?'

'When do they learn to stand upright?'

'Hey Mum, look what I caught!'

'Mom says she has a souffl

"Some day you'll look back at this and remember me as the person who taught you to fear water."

'You're due in September, however, since you're not mentally ready, let's make it October!'

"Mom, are you going to properly vet the baby before you bring her home from the hospital?"

"I needed a gig to tide me over between baby booms."

"Weeds are like kids. They grow up so fast."

Frog Baby Names

"Really? After all these years of you begging me to let you come and howl at the moon, now that you're a teenager, it's not cool to be seen with your dad!"

"Sorry I'm late with my grades. I was busy removing the 'Honor Roll' bumper sticker from the car."

'Male, 38, still living with his parents. They asked us to keep him overnight, so they could change the locks.'

'Daddy! There's a Politician in my closet!'

'WOW, congratulations, Ma'am! You're having Quads!'

"Seventy-seven. How about yours."

"You'll find they stay pretty needy 'til about 300 months."

"That would've gone better if I'd gotten here with my gift list instead of my spelling list."

'Ted, you won't climb the corporate ladder if you keep taking paternity leave!'

Three Parent Baby

"it's just... we're too lazy to have any of our own."

'Well, great! I raise you to be a vicious bird of prey, and you wanna be a songbird!'

"It's quiet in here. I suppose it's off the popular tourist route!"

'Mummy, what's a daddy one of those called?'

'When are you going to take it out of its original package?'

'My kids don't understand me.'

Children.

"I was hoping you'd have outgrown that by now."