Periscope Pundit Pillows

Submariners' Eye Test.

Another long day down at the Bureau of Earthquake Prediction.

"Well, at least it's an improvement from last night."

"I've always wondered, do light years have half the calories of regular years?"

Neuro, Biology, Chemistry, Feedback, Psychology, Technology, Physiology Institute

"Hear ye! Hear ye! Look, having nuclear - my uncle was a great professor and scientist and engineer, Dr. John Trump at M.I.T. - good genes, very good genes, O.K., very smart. . ."

'Actually, nowadays it's considered offensive to call an answer 'wrong'.'

"Says, property of the I.R.S."

"I'm after the history section."

'Why is it always about me?'

Euro parachute is not keeping Europe aloft.

'Your honour, we find the defendent 'politically incorrect'.'

Stimulus bust

Non discrimination to Vampires

"Once you've jumped over the moon, standing around in a field all day just doesn't cut it."

Big Bubba Is Watching You!

"Of course my main concern is how the situation in Eastern Europe will affect the pennant race."

"Remember, we're an enlightened group. We victimize everyone. No hate crimes for us."

Old soldiers never die. They just become TV pundits.

'To avoid lawsuits, tonight's news will not name names.'

'Not a problem. Our industry is self-regulated. In fact, I'm scheduled to jump off the roof right after this meeting.'

'We are no longer called criminals! We're called 'Legally Disadvantaged'.'

"Don't feel bad. Shallow people make my job easy."

'Well,here's the answer to why your car has been running so rough in the mornings Mr.Tait...It's pregnant!'

The Hypochondria Times.

"These days, professor it's "T.V. punditry or perish.""

USS Party Time.

'Over the years our company has acquired a face of its own.'

'Relax, we've only been for a pint.'

"Technically, when the manufacturer wants your car back, it's a recall. When the bank does it, it's a repossession."

'An expert is one who knows tomorrow why the things he said yesterday didn't happen today.'

'Oh, oh - it's tomorrow.'