Periscope Pundit Gifts

Submariners' Eye Test.

Another long day down at the Bureau of Earthquake Prediction.

"Well, at least it's an improvement from last night."

Neuro, Biology, Chemistry, Feedback, Psychology, Technology, Physiology Institute

"I've always wondered, do light years have half the calories of regular years?"

"Hear ye! Hear ye! Look, having nuclear - my uncle was a great professor and scientist and engineer, Dr. John Trump at M.I.T. - good genes, very good genes, O.K., very smart. . ."

'I'm not a 'Ghost', I'm an Ectoplasmic American.'

"I'm after the history section."

"Says, property of the I.R.S."

F&E Subs. Hey, you replaced the little swords with periscope-shaped toothpicks! Nice touch, Ernie!

'Actually, nowadays it's considered offensive to call an answer 'wrong'.'

'Why is it always about me?'

Euro parachute is not keeping Europe aloft.

'Your honour, we find the defendent 'politically incorrect'.'

"Once you've jumped over the moon, standing around in a field all day just doesn't cut it."

Big Bubba Is Watching You!

Non discrimination to Vampires

Stimulus bust

Old soldiers never die. They just become TV pundits.

"Remember, we're an enlightened group. We victimize everyone. No hate crimes for us."

'I have a twitter account to slag off my facebook friends and I use facebook to insult my followers on twitter.'

"Of course my main concern is how the situation in Eastern Europe will affect the pennant race."

'To avoid lawsuits, tonight's news will not name names.'

'We are no longer called criminals! We're called 'Legally Disadvantaged'.'

'Not a problem. Our industry is self-regulated. In fact, I'm scheduled to jump off the roof right after this meeting.'

"These days, professor it's "T.V. punditry or perish.""

"Technically, when the manufacturer wants your car back, it's a recall. When the bank does it, it's a repossession."

'Relax, we've only been for a pint.'

'Well,here's the answer to why your car has been running so rough in the mornings Mr.Tait...It's pregnant!'

USS Party Time.

'Over the years our company has acquired a face of its own.'

The Hypochondria Times.

"Don't feel bad. Shallow people make my job easy."

'An expert is one who knows tomorrow why the things he said yesterday didn't happen today.'

I Scream