Perfume Snob T-Shirts

"Yeah, I agree, close, but not 'Chanel No5'! That lady has been ripped off..."

Men find this shampoo irresistible. It's called 'Gee, Your Hair Smells Like A New Car'.

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"I want something that will make Richard Burton sit up and take notice."

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

Woman pouring perfume into her bath.

"I'll have a cup of coffee, and would you mind removing that ridiculous painting and turning off the Wilco?"

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

'Have you no common scents?!'

"You got maybe one that smells like cheese blintzes frying?"

Men's fragrances...

"I make it myself!"

"But everyone else gets to market their own personal scent!"

"The wine has subtle hints of expensive pretension, but it's balanced nicely by the screw cap."

"I'm not saying your after shave smells bad, but.. maybe you should use one mosquitoes don't like so much!"

Some scents are nonsense.

"In our house the four major food groups are Bordeaux, Merlot, Chardonnay and Champagne."

'Does this perfume have an antidote?'

'WOW! This ladies' nav app is fantastic!'

'We have a P-O-P display for our new perfume. Can we move the beef jerky down a smidge?'

"The antidote is $150."

The day wasps discovered there's something about an Aqua Velva Man.

'He'll love this cologne. It has the scent of an undervalued stock.'

Pheromones.

Wine tasting

'This is a very powerful perfume -- there's a ten-day waiting period.'

''Spiced mill cider and home made apple pie.' Am I supposed to freshen the room with this or have it for dessert?'

"When a wine rates over ninety, this is not alcoholism."

"I asked for a bottle of something that would make men drool over me. This is bourbon."

'This scent goes well with a diamond necklace.'

'My husband will order the wine. He happens to be a graduate of the 3-Second Master of Wine program.'

'It's for the girl who's in a hurry.'

"Pinot Noir, God's apology for White Zinfandel."

"It's our latest celebrity scent, it's called Elon Musk. It smells like money!"

"House red, sir?"