Performing Arts Professional Gifts

"Coughing, or non-coughing?"

Visiting the Theatre

Shop Signs (above shop assistant sign reads 'resting actress').

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

Showbiz Awards

"Here's another one written in E minor and in case you haven't guessed by now, it's the only chord I know."

'It's good - but it's not digital quality.'

Clown teaches how to speak Jibberish

"When is my next parole hearing?"

"Aristophanes explains comedy"

Guitarist

"God, I hope no one asks me to sing."

"Hi there! - I'm the world's first eco-friendly comedian... All My Jokes Are Recycled...!"

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

'Tony, you always try to lead.'

A Guide to Balloon Animals

"Welcome to Off-Off-Off Broadway."

"Extreme miming"

Comedy Cafe

Anthropologists discover the earliest known depiction of Jazz Hands.

Gene Wilder as Willy Wonka

Stand-up Romcom

'But they told me to take her down to theatre...'

"Same story every morning - 'Can you come and fix our windmill?'..."

'How's everyone doing tonight - that is the question.'

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

Taking a peek at the audience

Captain Corcoran, Commander of H.M.S. Pinafore

"If it appears that I only act like I'm working, it's because I minored in Theater."

"Can you speak up: there's a bloody racket going on in the background."

Tuning Up for the Air Guitar Competition

Little Buttercup HMS Pinafore

"Bravo!"

'Play it again, Sam.'

Piano Recital