Perfectionist Humor Fan Pillows

OCD Industries

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

'The ghost walks this passage every night Monday to Friday. He has weekends off.'

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

The Brothers Grime

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

10 K Tail-Chase

'We're going to need to find a scapegoat.'

"You see, it's perfectly safe to tease him..."

Trump Poutine

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

The Snooze Bar.

"Uh Oh! Jehovah's"

Beer Parasol.

US Credit: 'I'm down grading your credit rating...'

To encourage patients to take their medication, Dr. Gratner brought in a sketch artist to show them what they will look like in six months without meds.

'More government surveillance!'

"I fell to the ground from a height of about two metres when I was born: My very first stunt!"

"I'm you from the future! Or the past. I've completely lost track of time."

"For the last time, we never need the route with the fewest turns."

'You're supposed to bring the newspaper to ME!'

No, I don

tRUMp, Pirate President

'Joe has been partying hard!'

"My favorite part of the story was when Prince Charming kissed Sleeping Beauty and she totally rebooted."

'You're one of my kids? Really? I'm so sorry, I have so many it's hard to remember them all...'

'Here, we don't need a retirement plan. If you do your job as we want it, you'll directly go from your desk to hell.'

"Well, you were late and her boyfriend didn't turn up for their wedding, so....."

"I sold my soul for about a tenth of what the damn things are going for now."

"Hmmm, this might just be not funny enough for The New Yorker."

'Trust me, you're not going to need an alarm clock.'

'And we'll give you all the carcinogens you can eat.'