Pedantic Humor Fan Pillows

'He's not the likes of us, Bert - he says 'whoM' with an M.'

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

Trump Poutine

'We're going to need to find a scapegoat.'

Murder in Apartment 6-K

A Golden Non-Retriever

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

US Credit: 'I'm down grading your credit rating...'

"I sold my soul for about a tenth of what the damn things are going for now."

Boomerang cow.

'More government surveillance!'

'Here, we don't need a retirement plan. If you do your job as we want it, you'll directly go from your desk to hell.'

'And we'll give you all the carcinogens you can eat.'

Moses unblocking the toilet.

'I'm afraid I'll fall and no one will hear me.'

'Would you do me the honour of becoming tax advantaged with me?'

The Thinker?

"Aaaaugh! It's the Zombie Alpacalypse!"

'Yes, I'm sure Latestagrossa is the patient's name, and not the disease!'

"He is walking from 'Lands end to John'o'Groats', virtually."

"I think I'm as patient as the next person, but my husband wouldn't stop saying 'yo,' so I shot him."

How men process questions.

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

Germany: willingness for anti-corona vaccination decreases!

"There may be a moral equivalent of war, but, by God, there is not moral equivalent of money."

'It's the bank again... What I'd give for a bit of good old-fashioned heavy breathing!'

Franz Kafka

"That's right. An increase in your title!"

'It's all due to the birthrate falling drastically...'

Greenspanisms for sale (50c)

"Italy just bought France."

"It's a long-term strategy to make them lazy and complacent first."