Percentages Philosopher Pillows

"Learning percentages has made me realize there's a 50% chance I'll flunk math."

The devil you know and his plus one

'What I like best about a magnum of Champagne is, it's a controlled portion.'

"As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from restless dreams, transformed into a monstrous vermin, he thought to himself: never again bourbon and tequila in the same night, and this time, I mean it."

'No thanks, I don't drink when I'm driving home a point about investing.'

'I'm 60-40 in favor of the 60.'

“Today we are going to be learning percentages.”

"You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!"

"My feeling is that while we should have the deepest respect for reality, we should not let it control our lives."

"I devote most of my time to defending the bastions of culture."

'Before you go, introduce yourself, so that I know who you were...'

"Last time I saw you, you were just a baby."

Club insecurity.

'Have you noticed how portions are getting bigger?'

Documentation Please

'As long as I stand here I'm safe. . . no stress. . . no pressure. . . no need to impress. . . I can just relax and be who I am. . .'

"It's all good – but some of it is better."

"Oh I don't think it's as bad as all that. In fact, I think we're in the golden age of something which we won't even realize it's the golden age of until many years from now."

'I'll have 40 percent of what he's having.'

Yakademic: An academic who has been describing their research since they were asked about it over 20 minutes ago.

'17 of the 23 of the 456 people who returned 76 of the 12 questionnaires thought the statistics were meaningless.'

Juggling percentages.

"Honey, you’re doing that thing again where you stare into space and wonder how I talked you into leaving the house."

Having conducted a survey of 32.4% of the 56.6% of tax experts about 43% of the budget we found an 87.6% probability that we haven't got the foggiest ideas of what it means.

'Fermat's First Theorem'

There are times when it feels like I wasn't even meant to party.

'We're so downsized, we have to outsource our office gossip.'

"Here he comes again. Bet you he talks about how we're all thrust into this world against our will."

'And which strata of literary life do you inhabit?'

Manners and customs of 'ye Englyshe', scene 2.

Man confusing man using statistics.

'Have you noticed it, too?'

When statisticians argue.

"What part of Canada that I know nothing about are you from?"