Percentage Pundit Gifts

When statisticians argue.

'I'll have 40 percent of what he's having.'

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

"Oh, I'll be bi-partisan alright, punishing both sides of the aisle."

"That's Paul, he's our head of partnerships..."

CEO du Jour

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

Liberal Vote-Shaming Explained

Where does it all end up?

'Blast it, Peterson -- What's this I hear about you letting our profits trickle down?'

"What your memoir really needs is an addiction."

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

Obama Healthcare.

'At the sales department, we've got to meet our performance targets. We're not here to care about reality.'

Budget

"You haven't been laid off because you're the designated scapegoat."

'Risky, but I like it!'

"Do you ever have days when you can't seem to rise above petty politics?"

'Wow, are all these desserts for here, or are you going to stuff your faces in the privacy of your own home?'

Greek Crisis

Bill hits the ground running, makes a big splash early on, and rides a roller-coaster of insane popularity right into the "Where Are They Now?" Wilderness of Forgotten Celebrities.

Statue of Security

"There's the pressure from my public, naturally, as well as the pressure from my publisher, my agent, and all that. But the real pressure comes from that devil inside that makes me different from other men, that makes me a writer. But, of course, you know all about pressure, grinding out those papers at Sarah Lawrence."

Tied up in red tape.

"We'd like to publish it, do nothing to promote it, and watch it disappear from the shelves in less than a month."

Obama's Financial Reform Pill: I hope they won't need a glass of water.

'I thought time was supposed to be money!'

Diner is served

"Your book stinks—we want to publish it."

Power/Expenditures

'Take a letter,'

The Arab Autumn

'Psst. It's okay in here, but don't go around calling $690 billion 'chump change.''

"Im..peach...ment!"

Rubbish, Poppycock, Balderdash