People With Quirky Humor Pillows

Atheist Fleas

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

'Okay, is there anybody else whose homework ate their dog?'

A tortoise toboggans down a hill in its shell

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

'He's a superior breed - He always drinks thru' a straw!'

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

"Walk, hell- I gotta dance."

'But you know I don't have brand loyalty for anyone but you!'

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

"I don't know what else we can do. He won't look up from the screen!"

"Do you see that inexplicably beautiful hydrangea over there?… Nature calls."

"Bless You."

Glance Exchange

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

"She likes to be included, so I told her the tea is called 'Squirrel Grey.'"

Blind man walking a tortoise.

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

"Fresh pepper?"

"How about a hand."

Competitive Eating Competition Competitive Vomiting Competition,

STRIP God' s dog urinating on planet Earth

"It's just a tree."

"As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from restless dreams, transformed into a monstrous vermin, he thought to himself: never again bourbon and tequila in the same night, and this time, I mean it."

'Thanks, we really appreciate this. Yeah, the middle button. Don't worry, it's auto-focus - just aim and shoot.'

'This is a wind-up, isn't it?'

'The Lemming Book Store'

"I cross the road to forget."

"Not tonight. The furniture is sentient again."

'We have to forfeit, Three of our players got squashed on the way over here,'

Spiro & Pusho illusionists

'You can't come in here with that.'

Self Help / Elf Help.

'How can he be depressed when all he eats are Happy Meals?'