Penalty Box Philosopher Pillows

'I don't know what gets into me around the holidays.'

'Yeah. I used to get a lot of 'timeouts' as a kid, too.'

'Yeah I opted out of the dental plan too.'

'He's got one more minute alone in the penalty box with my mother.'

Slap on the Wrist Box.

Hockey and Cell Phones

2 min. in the box for roughing, eternity for coughing."

"England losing from a penalty shootout again!"

Extreme Sisyphus

"You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!"

"But some of my best ideas come while I'm in the litter box."

'Remember that outfit, Miss Wilson, that you said you wouldn't be seen dead wearing?'

'Half-time, full-time - It's gone into penalties, woman!'

"I'm enhancing my appreciation for the knowledge gathered by humankind."

'You got twenty years for hunting without a license? Kind of stiff, isn't it?'

Man In The Stocks Used As A Clock

'You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!'

Schrodinger's Cat Litter Box

"Can you hold on a sec? I just have to condemn this guy to death real quick."

Goal

'He intentionally entangles his face mask in my hand!'

'Holding! Number 74 on the offense!... Fifteen years to life in prison...'

Penalty

'Aw, come on guys - at the end of the day, it's only a game - right?'

"I might let the window box lay fallow, this season."

Man to lady: 'Prisons are overcrowded, so we're seeing more sentences of timeout instead.'

Democracy - one of the drawbacks.

The Flying Pig: Free drinks (if England win on penalties)

Shoplifter behind a barcode.

'Uh-oh. That's the 'special' whistle. ... This is going to be a major penalty.'

'The prisons are full, so I'm sentencing you to marry Rosie O'Donnell.'

You Don't Know What It's Like

"How do you feel about plea bargaining?"

I Do Not have OCD

"Always wondered what happened if you tried to drive through without a card."