Peg-leg Punster Gifts

Cat scratches on Pirate

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

'Iguana know what time it is.'

Kick Me! (sign on an anthropomorphized soccer ball)

Dog Walker

"Igor, you fool! I said 'healthy brain'!"

'...the storm raged and the doctor got drunk to steady his nerves..'

'We had an Old Testament skit today. Al Sims was the Hittite, and I was the hittee.'

"Only 150 kids? - Have you considered fertility treatment?"

"YOU pass him on the left."

"Actually, There's a lot less pressure since I've gone from his best friend to his therapy dog."

"No, I'm not a hare, I just happen to have big ears..."

"You are hereby sentenced to one year of swimming with the people."

'Gluten-free manna will come in the second salvo.'

'Hopefully this will not have a negative impact on my dinner.'

"Is that one of those brandy dogs?"

Hamlet.

'Ah look, what a lovely tortoise shell cat.'

'I'll have a Martini, Jack. Extra dry.'

'If you want to improve your golf score, the best wood to use is a pencil with an eraser.'

'My mom says an apple a day keeps the physician's assistant away.'

'That's Princess... formerly 'Prince'.'

'Hey, Lady, this is a sixty zone!'

Surfin' the web.

". . . But, according to your cat, you had a fur ball contract."

'I have a rasp in my throat.'

"Find another place to dump that crap. This stall is occupied."

Timmy Gets Solitary.

Lawyer Xing

"He's a shiitake."

"What's the big deal with posting food pics on social networks?"