Peeping Tom Chuckles T-Shirts

'Neighbors...friends...artists models.'

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

'I foresee a few more months of creating havoc without consequences, and then, yes, I see the 'cute' factor will start to wear thin...'

"Well, if I didn't send away for an entry application to the cat show, and you didn't send away for an entry application, who did?"

"My husband finally taught him to use the toilet but can't convince him to give up kitty litter."

'How long do you think it will take to heal?'

"You talkin' to me?"

"We sell beer, but it's non-alcoholic."

'This is going to hurt me more than it will hurt you!'

'Well, it wasn't me.'

Will act like an idiot for food.

'Are you throwing your medicine out of the window again?'

Say it with cacti

"I wasn't honking at you! Isn't it obvious I was honking at the guy 10 cars ahead of you?"

Cat looking up fish recipes.

Witch sends Friend Requests to Hansel and Gretel

"Yeah, I wouldn't be too concerned about how stupid that cone looks."

'Darling, the blogsitter's here.'

"If she can find all the bones she's buried, she's my next investment counselor."

'Hey buddy, no photosynthesis!'

'Now what?'

"Actually he's not begging."

"Tree's up!"

"I'm sorry that Ted ever taught him to smoke. It's costing us a fortune!"

'First you fetch their slippers and then you chew them up -- it's called the 'good dog-bad dog' system.'

'That's when he tries to sound like Pavorotti. Now here's how he sounds when he hits his finger with a hammer...'

"It's called 'salad,' but it's really just a hunk of raw meat."

'I'm not a bad driver, they're bad pedestrians.'

Metal detector finds another metal detector.

"We won't achieve true power unless can we suppress the cat vote."

"Yes, our master named us Romeo and Juliet. It's kind of ironic though since we can't stand each other..."

The Middle-Aged Dog. Wait – Why did I run into this field?

"Wow, you're right. That is a serious flea infestation!"

"Worry about global warming and your funny tropical fish...when you've cleared all those weeds off the driveway."

"Not much , Mom, just hanging with some peeps."