Pediatric Ponderings Gifts

'The doctor said oily fish was good for his brain development.'

A midwife holding a baby

"If it were painful, could I do this?"

'He's not talking yet, but his texting skills are excellent...'

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

'Dad, what is peace?'

'I'm an extremely general practitioner.'

"It's childhood. Your child has childhood."

"Mom, are you going to properly vet the baby before you bring her home from the hospital?"

Scared husband needs to have scans done in children's exam room.

'Are you sure you didn't swallow your cell phone? I keep getting a dial tone.'

'It's the only way he'll take his medicine.'

'Could you wear a Dr. Phil mask?'

'If Aunt Arctica is on the bottom of the world, does that mean Uncle Artica is on top of the world?'

"Nothing can be done about crime unless you deal with the root causes in the environment."

The Children's Hospital

'He's just experiencing a growth spurt'

'Tell you what; I'll give you the lollipop and I'll give you the shot.'

The big life questions that really get us thinking.

'It's the worst I've seen in this area. Lots of chicken pox going around.'

"Do I have to declare this as income to the IRS?"

'I don't know why babies always want to pull my nose.'

'Heroic stoicism has its rewards.'

"I'd like a second opinion. He followed me home, can I keep him?"

"The doctor will give you your shot. I'm just going to referee."

Social Distancing

"I'd like to request a transfer from the children's ward."

'I think I'm beginning to understand what sex is all about.'

"You know, we're not getting any younger...I mean, pretty soon, we'll both be 16."

"My whole life, …. I've never wanted to be anything other than a psychiatric patient."

This prescription doesn't have side efets. It's more like straight to the top and straight to the bottom.

"Oh shit! What have I done? Undo key! Undo key!"

Medical School. I'm going to specialize in children's feet. You'll be a "podiatrician."

"You awake?"

"Well Mrs Collins. The results of my test seem to confirm that Gavin has a rather nasty case of glue-ear."