Pedantic Performance Monitor T-Shirts

'I'm sorry, we can't declare you the winner. You have high blood pressure.'

"Various entrances to the gates of Hell."

"It was your idea to install the TV dish on the church spire"

"Are you sure he tested negative?"

Vocation,vocation,vocation.

'I'll give you this, Henderson - you're no worse than anyone else.'

"That wasn't daydreaming; I was internalizing my goal targeted self performance metrics."

'We could use more moving and shaking from you, Yomp, and less bobbing and weaving.'

'Is there something you're not telling me, Doctor?'

'Ignore that, my pen leaked...'

"Technically, when the manufacturer wants your car back, it's a recall. When the bank does it, it's a repossession."

"Behold the geometry of pizza: square, circle and triangle."

"I'm going to take your blood pressure, so try to relax and not think about what a high reading might mean for your chances of living a long, healthy life."

"Well sorry doc, but that's not the reading I get from my digital wrist heart monitor."

'My car has been tipped over and rammed repeatedly. You don't know anything about this, do you Carl?

'Well, YOU call it bad penmanship, I call it encryption.'

'He's not the likes of us, Bert - he says 'whoM' with an M.'

Computer rage.

"You keep saying apocalyptic but I think you mean post-apocalyptic."

"I hate to be that guy, but, technically, Frankenstein is the name of my creator, and I'm Frankenstein's monster."

At a guess I'd say that the feedback was probably pretty good!

Rumor Control Center: Chicken Little.

Castaway uses a PC instead of a bottle.

"Don't take time to smell the flowers anymore. The tests show you're allergic to them."

High Tech Mom

'A health report today warned skeptics, who take everything with a grain of salt, could result in abnormal hypertension. . .'

'Play Beethoven's Fifth and this ten pence piece is all yours!'

'I've got my handwriting back from the graphologist - she says I'm shoddy, untidy, and cack-handed - it's uncanny!'

"There are two types of cholesterol - the good type, then the one you've got."

"There was a catastrophic loss of sales performance records when the hard drives crashed. Fate has smiled upon you."

'Satisfied, Simkins?'

Coronavirus Shadow

Proud Parent of a SUPERNATURAL STUDENT at Westford High School

"Your blood pressure is two forty five...take your watch off!"

Fuel panic gauge.