Performance Ponderer T-Shirts

'We could use more moving and shaking from you, Yomp, and less bobbing and weaving.'

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

'I play so hard that I have no time to work hard.'

"Your assumption that a one in a million chance event MUST be a miracle shows you drastically underestimate the total number of regularly occurring events."

"Exactly how undecided would you say you were at this precise moment?"

'The organizational structure is pretty simple: We do the work; they take the credit.'

'We need to have a shake-up!'

'I sometimes wonder if these endless meetings accomplish anything.'

'I'm 60-40 in favor of the 60.'

“Today we are going to be learning percentages.”

"The UWS association for the advancement of A.I."

'At least I don't have his life.'

"What's an imagination? It was something kids used to enjoy before they invented video games."

Experience-Productivity Ratio / Age-Salary Ratio.

"Today we'll examine that age old question of robot accomplishment: programming or processor?"

'I never wanted the best years of your life Clayton - just a few good days would do.'

"Of course you can't put your finger on it. It's a hypothetical particle."

'As you know, some of us can't keep up with the pace of new technology.'

"Gosh, 'inept' seems so harsh. Personally, I prefer the term 'productivity-challenged!'"

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

"My computer beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick-boxing!"

"The trouble is, professor, you see the Erlenmeyer flask half empty and I see it half full."

'Our basic package is no frills, no chew toys, no extra Kibbles, and narry a pat on the head from management...'

Objects in mirror bear no relation to reality.

Progress?

"Think outside the box but never forget who owns the box."

How do you fell about buying your own health insurance?

"What's with kids nowadays? Walking upright's not good enough for you?"

"When I said you're doing a hell of a job, Krueger, I didn't mean it as a compliment!"

Time, Temp, Today's Neutrino Mass

Bizarre sequence of computer-generated random numbers

"The first thing we should do is get you two into a good mutual fund. Let me get out the 'Magic 8 Ball' and we'll fun some options."

'What's the chance of getting a latte around here?'

"What if it's smarter than us?"

"Sure, but what have you invented lately?"