Peanut Butter Warrior Pillows

The sword in the all-natural impossible-to-stir peanut butter.

"Chocolate? I can't be allergic to chocolate! I'm a kid, can't you say I'm allergic to spinach or broccoli?"

Circa 1928, The Reese's Candy laboratory.

"He's not talking yet, but sometimes we give him peanut butter to make it look like he is."

Revenge of the Jelly Mother.

"Ninja bread men"

'The school bus drove off without me. The driver said she couldn't allow one more peanut butter sandwich on her bus.'

"The Wi-Fi password is publish 'publish or perish'."

'4 Jello desserts - and, for the love of God, please make them all the same color.' (at restaurant with three kids)

Flu vaccine.

'He can't be all bad if he still likes peanut butter.'

'Bless this food we are about to receive, all except the broccoli. Bless the apple pie twice.'

'Can I have some of your peanut butter and jelly sandwich? All my mom ever gives me is cake.'

"No, no … the sashimi is fine. But I’m not crazy about your Wi-Fi signal."

"The nurse thinks she's sneaky, but I know my meds are in the peanut butter."

Jelly I.V.

"And it shall be called peanut butter. And it shall appear as if perishable or in need of refrigeration but in truth it shall remain shelf-stable for months, though the oil may separate and require stirring. And there shall be a crunchy variety and there shall be a smooth variety. And . . ."

"A bunch of kids next door are going berserk with a baseball bat! Call 911. I'm losing candy fast!"

'I'd like something with a high amount of vegetable protein, a bit of glucose or dextroe for energy, and some fiber.' 'One peanut butter and jelly on toast.'

"Take it easy, honey. Beneath that terrifying rage is our twelve-year-old daughter. My GOD, when will the wi-fi go back on?!!"

"I hab peenut buffer stok to woof of my mout!"

'My parents are giving up desserts for Lent, so I'm balancing the family diet by giving up vegetables.'

Heavy man wants the cake and Edith too.

"A flake? I told you I'm on a diet."

'Bon Bons Away!'

"That's your separation anxiety? When the oil separates in your all-natural peanut butter?"

The race against gravity with an ice cream!

For the Love of Peanut Butter

"Beans count as healthy vegetables but jelly beans don't? Not faaaiiir!!!"

"He's not talking yet, but sometimes we give him peanut butter to make it look like he is."

Food Science Lab. There's jealousy among the peanut butter molecules. "Smooth" does out all the time and "chunky" can't get a date.

"When you're done cyberattacking, your PB&J, with crustd cut off, is waiting."

"I'd trade, but peanut butter sticks to my tongue stud."

"It's like as soon as we got married the man became so stupid we can't even remember how to slap some peanut butter on a cracker."

Peanut Butter and Jam Attack,