Peanut Allergy Comedian Pillows

"Whoa, don't hand me my pay cheque. I'm allergic to peanuts!"

'Your drug tests show no signs of illegal substances, but they do show a huge amount of artificial colorings and preservatives.'

'I just came back from the allergist. I'm allergic to life.'

Dentist Trip

"Oh, sure! Blame the monkey!"

'Now that we can walk upright, we have to be especially careful about banana peels.'

'I can't help you, it seems you really are npsycuts!'

'If you don't mnage to have enough sunshine you should eat more of oily fish, black caviare, eggs and butter.'

"Did you put garlic in the pasta?"

"This was supposed to be 'Gluten-Free Comedy Night.' Which means no wheat jokes."

"Nuts?"

'There I was, balanced on the wire, juggling balls like crazy when this yo-yo in the crowd hits me in the eye with a peanut.'

'Say... this looks like a good place!'

Warning - may contain nuts.

"It's organ-ic!"

"Oh my, what a beautiful ring. But, I just found out that I have peanut allergy. So, I just can't marry someone who is literally toxic."

The Ancient Mariner: 'Hey, not enough salt on these peanuts...'

"Hey Rayna, want some candy?"

Bless You!

Pears figure skating

"I kept telling him that cheese was bad for his health."

"Are you gluten free?"

What a pity they invited someone allergic to cats.

'You the one with the big mouse problem?'

Wong's Chinese Restaurant notice: 'Oour fortune cookies are made in a facility that also processes litchi nuts.'

"I didn't say you can't have a flu-jab I just said it's an unusual last request."

'Strawberries give me the hives... how about an apple?'