Food Allergy Satire Lover Pillows

"Did you put garlic in the pasta?"

Get your no-turkey recipes here! Eco club. Go veggie for T-day! No thanks! I like turkey, sausage, stuffing, creamed onions with bacon and mincemeat pie. I figured as much. How can you tell? Gut check. That's my gut reaction, too.

Fly Tastings: 'Notice that hint of dog fur and then let that full bodied garbage finish unfold.'

"Wow! So you think my chronic self-hatred may just be an undiagnosed case of lactose intolerance?"

The BLTR (the bacon, lettuce, tomato, revolution)

'I just came back from the allergist. I'm allergic to life.'

'Are these mushrooms or toadstools? And why are you holding a stomach pump?.'

"The chef will accommodate gluten-free requests, but only with a note from your doctor."

"Of course our GM vegetables are safe, Madam, they told us so themselves!"

The real reason salad aids weight loss

'I never see the dog complain about my cooking.'

'Why do they let us see things like that?'

'Trying to sell these things is like flogging a dead horse.'

'And the winner for best supporting animal in a frozen ready meal goes to...'

That's right: Not only are we 'Man's best friend', but a lot of people are allergic to cats...

"Whoa, don't hand me my pay cheque. I'm allergic to peanuts!"

'Upsize your children' - 20 to 25 % of children are obese.

Scientific research (whaling).

Mad cow disease spreads to other ranches

"And what are the two wonderful gourmet delights you're serving up today...my good man?"

'Quadruple by-product.'

"The jelly required a soupçon more texture on the custard was on the wrong side of sweet."

Fish & chips in newspaper of the year.

'It's a new, high-protein substitute for soybean paste. It's made of steak.'

Boss, the customers are demanding to know why the muffins taste like ground cardboard. There was a sale on week-old organic oat bran and cardboard muffins. Should I tell them that? Depends. Are the men wearing lumberjack beards and hipster glasses? And are the women wearing Salvation Army clothes and hipster glasses? Yes. Tell them.

"Well, I've got his test results. . . I'm afraid he's allergic to dairy!"

'Faux-horse beef for me, faux-beef horse for the wife.'

Pinocchio's Diner

Hamburgers are a way of life.

In case of emergency break bread.

'Doctor, I think I have a onion allergy.'

Bless You!

In his humanity, he may have suffered from 'allerjesus'

"I have a nut allergy."

"Are you gluten free?"