Payroll Punster Pillows

'I'm worried about all these unemployed. They're still on our payroll'

''...And defend the Constitution of the United States.' -- And now, I'd like to pardon the following Illinois politicians....'

"We're a very small international conglomerate."

"Ugh! They always spell my name wrong?"

"We're developing a plan to fix this."

'So, paternity leave problem solved then?'

"Let's not try to make this symbolic. Of anything."

'The days here are six months long... you'll love the daytrading.'

The Contrarian funds

"This 'laying up treasures in heaven' thing - Is it some kind of tax dodge or what?"

"It's one of the positive side effects of the new weight-loss drugs."

"My company's board members all told me the vision statement I wrote is really blurry."

"We're a pharmaceutical company. We should be getting 'pharm' subsidies."

Math Jokes

Cover story: Oil Workers Monthly.

My, my, we're justs a little overprotective of our propriety knowledge, aren't we?

'This is what I mean about inadequate interagency cooperation.'

'There's been no confirmation, but the possible merger of two giants has sent stock prices soaring.'

"Hmmmm. I'll bluff. Then they'll counter-bluff, so if I counter-counter-bluff...password should do it."

"Our flag means debt."

"Ah, but that wasn't a campaign promise - It was a NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION!"

'GESUNDHEIT, EVERYBODY!', 'That's his idea of universal health care.'

'Yes, that will work as an elevator pitch...if your potential client works in a skyscraper...'

Time and money on a seesaw are equals.

"Well, I changed the signs. Now you can enter your office. Thanks for waiting, sir."

"Your broker has 'comped' your meals."

"We'll pay for your move, we'll give you a bonus...in short, we'll do anything for a buck."

"I'd like to file a defamation suit. 'Bear markets' is a derogatory term."

"Everyone flunked Economics this semester. Interest rates were low."

'If you insist on laughing please use the humour section.'

'Your father's been really getting under my feet.'

'He has a nerve holding me to the truth. It's an election year, for heaven's sake!'

'I assumed this is where the market headed south, but GPS says 'southeast'.'