Paycheck Prognosticator Gifts

'You're right? How did you know I didn't get a raise?'

"Gentlemen, I'm pleased to say the firm is perfectly positioned to avoid chapter eleven and still be in existence this time next year."

'Great news this quarter! Losses are up in smoke, profits are high, and we're seeing lots of green!'

"I'll show you our growth projections but only if you promise not to snicker."

'Too late...looks like they've already been pillaged.'

European currency on the edge.

Businessman in suit on beach with financial report and eyes cut out viewing impending storm.

'Call the boss! We're in trouble!'

Busy office.

Business is off the chart.

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

'This is from a post-ethics phase.'

"We've done a rigorous examination of your business plan using the latest algorithms to model future profits. . . which way up would you like it?"

"I love your optimism."

"We may have to rob from the rich AND the poor."

"Well, there's nowhere to go but up."

"It's swings and roundabouts – one goes up the other goes down."

'Look on the bright side; you got out of that stock before it became...unstable.'

"Oh, I can't complain"

Sales Chart Through Ceiling

'I tried everything to turn this around but if the cops ask, I was here in this room with you guys all week.'

"For my next trick, I shall turn four consecutive quarters of losses into a positive outlook going forward."

Astrological forecasts of the rich and famous

"I wouldn't stand there, if I were you."

"It will be all your fault."

City Redundancies - In? Out?

I often thought that I should have been a weaver of words,someone who danced and sang his way into peoples souls and through my imagination led others into a world of dreams and intoxicating revelry...But auditing offered a much better pension.

'You certainly have a way with no words.'

"This is where things started getting really weird."

"Thankfully, this year, the results can be attributed to something other than our own gross incompetence."

'I think you'll find these projections somewhat exaggerated, but in a good way.'

Recycling bin for 'short term business plans'

'Well they often get it wrong.'

"We're estimating that sales are now up to about here."

Melissa's Mark Prediction Service