Pension Predictor Gifts

I often thought that I should have been a weaver of words,someone who danced and sang his way into peoples souls and through my imagination led others into a world of dreams and intoxicating revelry...But auditing offered a much better pension.

"Gentlemen, I'm pleased to say the firm is perfectly positioned to avoid chapter eleven and still be in existence this time next year."

'Great news this quarter! Losses are up in smoke, profits are high, and we're seeing lots of green!'

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

"We've done a rigorous examination of your business plan using the latest algorithms to model future profits. . . which way up would you like it?"

'This is from a post-ethics phase.'

Business is off the chart.

'I had considered a career as an offshore commodities broker specialising in securitised asset transfers but the pension wasn't as good.'

'The economy being what it is, we've had to make a few changes in your retirement plan. . .'

"I love your optimism."

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

"Well, there's nowhere to go but up."

"It's swings and roundabouts – one goes up the other goes down."

"We may have to rob from the rich AND the poor."

'You keep outliving your old-age retirement savings!'

'Look on the bright side; you got out of that stock before it became...unstable.'

401K

"You never actually own a pension pot - you merely look after it for the next government."

Sales Chart Through Ceiling

"Oh, I can't complain"

'I tried everything to turn this around but if the cops ask, I was here in this room with you guys all week.'

City Redundancies - In? Out?

Astrological forecasts of the rich and famous

"For my next trick, I shall turn four consecutive quarters of losses into a positive outlook going forward."

"It will be all your fault."

"If we take a late retirement and an early death, we'll just squeak by."

'You certainly have a way with no words.'

"This is where things started getting really weird."

"Grandpa, tell us again about pensions!"

"Thankfully, this year, the results can be attributed to something other than our own gross incompetence."

"I just learned that my golden parachute was not properly packed."

RRSP once stood for Registered Retirement Savings Plan, now stands for Really, Really Small Potatoes!

'So far you have enough to smell a rose or two, but not enough to come to a complete stop and smell the roses.'