Pay Grade Ponderer Gifts

"Golden parachute? No, at my pay grade it's more like cast iron."

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

'Ladies and gents, the executive-worker pay ratio is not what it used to be!'

'The economy being what it is, we've had to make a few changes in your retirement plan. . .'

'A short economics test - if you bought something for

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

"You never actually own a pension pot - you merely look after it for the next government."

'I think I've finally found a fixer-upper in your price range.'

"I just learned that my golden parachute was not properly packed."

'Euro's down against the pound, dollars up against yen, pound is... what the hell don't expect cheap meals in France!'

'Retirement is OK, but instead of looking forword to weekends, I'm working at McDonalds.'

'Would you like your dividend in pennies, nickels or bitcoin?'

If you can't afford the milk you drink, there are options. I can put you on a payment plan. Minimal APR since you're such a valued customer. Valued?! You hardly treat me like I'm valued, you miser! YOU TREAT ME WITH CONTEMPT! Good point. Maximum APR, then.

"It drives me MAD when people whine about the amount top management get paid. . ."

'When bad 401ks happen to good people'

Passing the Pension Time Bomb

"Here's your paycheck. I hope we'll both find it amusing."

'I've figured out a way to lower your income tax...give you less income.'

Star Trek-the Older Generation. . .

Retirement Issues

Less is more.

'No raise, but we can make your desk and chair one-inch taller.'

"I'm the ghost of your future retirement."

'Stare at it all you want sir, but I can assure you, no one is going to jump out and yell 'April Fools.'

"The real trick will be enjoying retirement long enough before the Government goes belly up."

'I re-invested what was left of my 401K into returnable pop cans. I figure by the time I retire I should have about three dollars.'

'Sorry I can't pay your pension until I see gray hair. . . Oh yes, and you also get disability.'

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"

"I think the idea behind coin collecting is to get one of each kind, not all of the same kind!"

"I'm creating the world's first 'instant lowrider' kit! I'll need partners...and when the profits roll in, I'll take 75 percent and they will get 50 percent."

'He's crazy. He wants $40,000 for that one dollar bill!'

"Walter Thruggins, My Life as a Pensions Adviser."

'At last you can put your feet up and concentrate on worrying about your pension.'

Economists generally agree that consumers don't trust products that cost too little. If an item is too inexpensive, it seems cheap. A higher cost connotes quality. Price hike! Beware the rabid capitalist bearing economic theory.