Paw-some Gourmet Gifts

"Is there another table that isn't so close to the bathroom?"

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

'Ooo! The dog food sounds good! ... mind you, I always have that at home.'

"Alright, alright! I'll stop buying the cheap stuff, OK?"

'I'd like the tongue, please.'

"She doesn't eat raw zebra... Where can we get Alaska wild salmon in cream truffle sauce in the middle of Africa?"

'This refrigerator isn't big enough for the both of us.'

"Kibbled, canned and frozen were non-starters. But he'll often accept a ice ribeye as long as it's been properly dry aged."

"For this dish we'll need to sauté the onion with the week-old, moldy, ant-covered French fry over medium heat. Then, we lightly flash boil our dehydrated mouse..."

'May I have two containers - fish for my cat, meat for the dog...vegetables divided as follows, one-fourth for the cat, three-fourths for the dog, but no carrots for the cat - kitty doesn't like carrots...'

'That's not exactly what I had in mind.'

'I know you are doing your best, but it will be great when Pat comes home.'

'I'm taking the leftovers home, so suggest something my dog will enjoy.'

'Fruits, vegetables, meat, eggs and cooked beans! He gets a better dinner than I do!'

"Look, I’m sorry - it’s not Asian fusion night!"

"That tasted like s**t. We'll have another order of it."

"I need some assistance here."

"I think I'll go for the Barf Bits du Jour."

"Some dehydrated corn and bone meal for the gentleman, perhaps?"

'Kibbles & S**t'

"Generally I recommend chuck, but since your collie has a pedigree...sirloin."

"We'll be needing a high chair for spot."

Water. Food. Garnish.

"Wait! I forgot the garnish."

'I hope your 'kittycat gourmet delight' tastes better than my 'doggy sirloin supreme!''

"If we list it now, you could be eating filet mignon every night for the rest of your life!"

'I'm thinking celebrity pet's cookery nightmare make-over...'

'I'll take your word for it that dog food tastes good on crackers.'

"I'm so tired of eating meals from a can...I could spit!"

'Eugh. This is awful. I'm not the hugest fan of licorice, but this one I found on the sidewalk is disgusting.'

"The special, sir. Shall I spread it out or will you knock it over yourself?"

'I wish you wouldn't order for both of us.'

"Liverwurst?! Okay, let's try it again, speaking slowly this time. 'Fois. . . gras'."