Paw Professional Gifts

'Fetch!...Sit!...Heel!...Paw!...They're not great conversationists, are they?'

Police Feline Unit

"Humans are strange."

Paw readings

"Take a right at Rocky's fire hydrant. A left at Duke's bench and the dog part will be one block past buddy's tree."

"That's just not the real me."

'Where I come from it's called collateral.'

'Senior Cat Warranty, Low maintenance sofa accessory, Unlimited purring and cuddling, Mellow 'been there done that' attitude.'

I know it's you that's been digging up my garden. I certainly didn't put those rose bushes in.

Living with a cataholic.

'I understand you don't have a resume but you do have your pedigree papers?'

"Not really. I went on the green carpet just before we came out."

'Thank you for noticing, Shirley - but beauty comes at a price, It hampers my hunting, limits my berry picking and typing's a real pain,'

'How many times have I told you to stay out of the cemetery?'

Grammarian.

'Out of the blue, my Master is now obsessed with having me sit, shake hands and rollover...'

'Oh, yes, you will get off!'

'That's right, my Master follows me on my walk with a plastic bag in his hand: I have no privacy anymore...'

Apparently Barking Rovers have won the cup.

"Oh no, Mother. The dog is curled up asleep."

"I say you're spoiling that dog."

'Buster was in a little accident, but he'll be good as new in 6 weeks.'

If they were cats

'By George, Sir, I've been everywhere, everywhere!...

'Let's switch sides. My feet are killing me.'

-'I'd like a doggy bag.' -'And make it a big one.'

"He's a real dog person."

'It's a symbiotic relationship- she gives me food, and I eat it.'

Which one is yours?

Dog luggage.

"Good dog!"

"While your resumé said one thing it's come to our attention that labradors actually shed quite a bit."

"Are you; 'Obedient, fun-loving and loyal...with a liking for licking his testicles...?'"

Dog sleepwalking after owner

Dogs are smart enough to understand human commands. Cats are smart enough to ignore them.